I have issues. I hate being late and I hate taking time off work- even when I am truly sick or sick of work or home sick (home is wher the heart is... heart is with the fam.)...
I'm missing Dave and Caitlin a whole bunch but feel really badly about taking off of work because then no one will be taking care of my job. What happens if a shift is missed? or my associate who swears she is going to have her baby a month early actualy does? or behavioral problems come out of the woodwork... (cinderblock work?)? What if? What if?
I know that Hinckley won't fall apart or anything (Budge might but Hinckley shouldn't) but I still feel guilty about leaving to see my family. Something about that seems unhealthy to me. It is probably because I have not slept well since my family took off. David always says that he has 1/2 the family and I have 1/2 the family- my half isn't nearly as endearing as his 1/2. Something about not being able to play or interact combined with morning sickness combined with being kicked and abused from the inside out- I think I got the short end of that stick. (I promise I will feel much more love for this little one when she is out- that last sentance made it sound like I don't like this one. David and I are thrilled and excited about her as well. Although we have had considerably less time to think and plan and ponder about this new life than we did when Caitlin was developing.)
I'm trying to figure things out as best as I can to get the most trip with the least vacation hours used and at a minimal price- I'm not sure if it will happen but I'm working on it. So if I disappear in the dead of night, I have probably escaped my quilty conscience long enough to go hug my baby and cuddle with my husband.
Another thought- Being pregnant and alone gets one many strange looks in Provo... Especially because I opted out of the wedding band... it threw off the symetry of my engagement ring! It is almost as bad as when I used to take my baby brother to the mall when I was in high school... Well, those are my 5:00 am thoughts. I have yet to go to sleep tonight. I have been emailing like mad- mostly my brother, playing on facebook- no one is awake, catching a belligerant boy in my building, and searching tons of travel sites for flight deals- not that many as of yet. Blah! Maybe I will wait a few minutes and surprise David with a good morning phone call.
I should probably restrict myself to posting only when the sun is up....
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